Might as well face it...

It's time for me to come clean- I'm an addict. It started innocently enough when I began University, but now I'm nearing the end of my course my problem has kicked up a notch and what started as a bit of fun has become a full-blown, life consuming addiction. I, Lucy Chambers, am addicted to playing Minesweeper.

I need help, but I don't know where to turn. I was considering going to my doctor, but I can just imagine the conversation- Well, I say conversation, it'd be more of a laugh-fest, for her at least. It really has developed into a serious concern- Whenever I have an essay I think to myself "oh I'll just play one game", then before I know it I've been playing for two hours and have wrist ache from furious limp wristed clicking. I think I've managed to find the root of my problem though, the reason it has become such a major part of my day, and it's this video:



THIRTY SEVEN SECONDS. HOW does ANYONE manage to complete expert in that time?? So of course, I decided that *I* would be the one to beat this world record. All I need is to practise practise practise. I won't lie, it's not going well, my best time is 150 seconds and most of the time I'm trying to go so fast I just hit a mine and then my percentage of wins goes down and I get angry and shake my fist at the screen in the style of an old man who has been knocked into by a gang of unruly school boys who, full of sugar and excited about the summer holidays, weren't watching where they were going in their rush to get to the local grocers and shoplift chocolate bars and porn mags. But I figure the guy who holds the record must have been training constantly from the age of 0 to get that fast- His parents probably decided whilst he was in the womb "our son SHALL be the fastest mine sweeper in all the land" and home schooled him, and all of his lessons were taught in relation to mines, so for example his maths lessons were "if I plant 12 mines in a 10X10 square and a man steps on 2 of them after stepping of 11 other squares, what percentage of the area still contains a bomb?". AND I bet he has no friends, and has bad eyesight from staring at a computer screen too long, and a bit of a slack jaw so he dribbles all the time, so he'll never get a girlfriend, and even if he did he wouldn't know what to do because he has been so busy playing minesweeper he has never been on the internet and therefore has never seen porn and thus has no idea about sex whatsoever. Or something like that.

As you can see it has become an unhealthy obsession- I've dreamt up a freakish but curiously alluring mortal enemy whom I must destroy by beating his minesweeper world record. I need serious help. I'll research it right after I finish this game.